My horoscope is more like a horrorscope

Okay, this is the time of year when my parents start getting all huffed up about my marriage. A little too soon? A little too early? I’m a still kid? Well, apparently for my parents, finding my prince perfect would take around a decade. I am surprised they didn’t start the hunt when I was just born. They’re more than 20 years late! Nevermind. So with all this fuss about starting the process, I get to know some intriguing details about myself through my religious portfolio — The Horoscope! For many of you who are unaware of the term, check out the link. Remember the time when I told you guys about the great great Arranged Marriage in my community? Well, it seems that it is a big deal and everything has to go perfectly according to the plan.

Now, before I go into the groom samples (another post scheduled for that), I’ll tell you the highlights of my horoscope. I know all most of you won’t believe in it and so do I but it’s always fun to know some whacky things about oneself. Or, atleast that’s what I thought. I tried to sneak into my horoscope because it seems that one is not supposed to see their own. Yeah, talk about constraints. Anyway, now I know why one is NOT allowed to do so because it turns out that my life is going to be some kind of a dead end zone. Check these out

I cannot do a love marriage because apparently I’ll kill the guy or he’ll die of some tragic disease because of me.

I will own ”several” kids. I’m afraid to have even one but several. I don’t know if it’s scary or being blessed?!

I will earn LOTS of cash by my 40s — The time when my life will just be starting and I’ll be a married woman worrying about my husband’s affairs. Well, lucky me eh?

I will apparently have a possibility of a car crash when I’m in my 30s. So there goes the cash.

I will divorce my first husband to marry a second guy. My parents were worried I won’t even marry one. Oh, and I divorce that one too which will shoo away my kids.

My grandson will be the most handsome man. WTH will I do with that? I mean good for him and his crushes maybe?I’d prolly not be even with him because I’ve already shoo-ed away my kids according to the previous point or I’ll be dead already.

Do you ACTUALLY think I’m gonna read it any further? To hell with horoscope man, I’m glad knowing where I am and what I am without it. God forbid if those points turn out to be true, I’m going downtown. Ofcourse, for clubbing and become a gangsta. I wanna start living already. 😐

Remember those days when life was simpler and my mother thought I was gay?

4 thoughts on “My horoscope is more like a horrorscope”

  1. I wonder who read your horoscope?
    What I believe is creating your own destiny. My mom too went for my Horo-check which ended to be disastrous. I was suppose to leave studies at 19 (seriously WTH). I am 20 and happily getting ruined by engineering.
    Also he said that I'll run away with a girl and marry early. Haha! My mumma still teases me, “Whose the girl?.

  2. LOL, which horoscopes do write all such facts. I thought it was up to the Pundits to look at the planetary positions and let us know what they say. Who made such conclusions the time you were born? Our horoscopes just have a chart of Planetary positions and the ones that are likely to affect us in different spans of life.

    Interesting read.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

  3. Wahahaha.. Awesome horoscope you have there. 😛
    Who the heall really believes in that crap anyways?

  4. Entertaining post! I stopped reading my horroscope when the “planet” that ruled my sign was down-graded to a rock or something (Pluto)! Just my luck–the the horroscope people never saw THAT coming!

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