When The Corkscrew Was Never Found

This is how we welcomed the new year – 2018.

I mean my father would have preferred the corkscrew for inaugurating the very questionable brand of wine that he picked up from the supermarket. The kitchen was clean because we decided to do the intimate family evening for new years eve.


Wine – check (we’ll come back to you in a while)

Horrible junk dinner – check

Good movie – check

Mom: So should we order dinner?

Me: Err, we still have to get us some wine.

Dad: I’m on it!

Me: I’ll get the glasses

Mom: I’ll see if that serial is on.

Me & Dad: NO! We are not watching some guy falling off a girl’s bike on new years eve.

Mom: Serve the wine already.

*hearing Dad panic a bit*

Me: What’s going on?

Dad: I didn’t notice. This bottle has a cork.

Me: Oh, that’s okay. I’ll get the corkscrew.

Dad: It should be here somewhere.

*after 30 minutes of aggressive searching*

Me: Where the hell is the corkscrew?! Do you think it’s in the closet?

Dad: Sure. We looked under the kitchen cabinets, in the medical boxes, washrooms, bedroom, under the couch, in the balcony but I am pretty sure I stuffed the cork screw under our clothes.

Me: *sniffs* You know you can be nice when you say that

Dad: Would you stop being dramatic and find the damn screw? I am not spending new years without opening this baby.

Mom: Could’ve finished watching a serial

Me: Mom please. Not now. Can’t we just use a knife?

*suddenly mom jumps off the couch*

Mom: Um, What did you say?!

Me: Mom, relax. It’s not like I said I want to murder someone.  Just trying to think of alternatives

Dad: You both are useless. Let me use chopsticks to shove it into the cork

Me: Sure! Why didn’t I think of that?

Dad: You got a better idea?

Me: Yeah alright.

*Mom holds the bottle, I hold mom’s hands, dad stares at us*

Dad: I am so lucky to have you guys in my life. *absolute sarcasm tone*

Me & Mom: Oh you’re welcome

*manages to jibe into the cork, some bits and pieces being pulled out*

Mom: What is that?

Dad: It’s the cork material

Mom: What if it goes into the wine?

Dad: We drink it anyway. We are drinking the wine even if it has bird poop in it

Mom: Okay, this does not look good.

Me: Can we do this with a knife?

*we cut through half way into the cork and exhaust ourselves*

Dad: If I haven’t said so already, great start to the evening

Mom: Just dip the cork into the bottle

Dad: Wow, look who beamed up

Mom: I am tired of you two. *walks away*

Me: You know she’s right. Right?

Dad: Of course, she’s right. She’s always right! Story of my marriage! Now push that cork in already.


*red wine all over our hands*

Dad: Oh good. How efficient!

Me: Hey! I tried!

*wine being poured in the glasses using a strainer because sometimes cork pieces get in the way*

Mom: So, shall we order dinner now?

Me & Dad: 😐

The food arrived. There was barely any flavor but the movie was great. Of course, with dad commenting every 5 minutes did NOT help.

Oh! Before I end this, wishing you all a very HAPPY 2018!  

Note: I have an adorably crazy family and I love them. 

Also published on Medium.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *