Roomie Revenge

The previous two posts did speak a lot on the lines of marriage. Let’s take a bit of detour from those, shall we? Before you start hovering more around the title, I’ll break the ice for you. I’ve been traveling a lot in the last few months. I know! I know! That’s SO unlike me. No, not traveling like once to the Alps and then the next day to the Kandahars. I meant – traveling to home and then my second home back and forth. Hence, the concept of packing has been a little too — well, let’s just say I’ve a PhD in it by now. I’m sick of it. Tired of packing and unpacking. Even reached a point where I literally did not unpack certain stuff and just took it straight out from the bag after hours of searching my closets. Closet is a very fancy term for someone who stays in a PG but that’s not the point! Coming back to packing – this time it’s sort of a major step forward. Yep, I’m leaving Chennai. I’m moving back to the land where I was born. Initially, I was excited about it but then once I started thinking of all the stuff that I’ve to give up, I was disheartened (and this is a bit of an understatement!). My roomie and I were talking on what I’ve to give up and we came up with a bunch of stuff.
Roomie: When are you gonna start packing?
Me: I’ve sort of already started if you didn’t notice.
Roomie: Uh huh. Where exactly have you started?
Me: Remember, how I threw away the eggs the other day..
Roomie: Wow, score! Throwing away the eggs – that’s packing alright.
Me: No no, seriously. I’m freaking out. I’ve so much stuff and I’m only allowed like 20 Kgs of stuff that I can drag around.
*after a few minutes of silence*
Roomie: Relax! You’ll be fine. Let’s figure out what you can’t take with you.
*she starts listing down*
Roomie: Bucket, mugs, laundry bag, plastic trays, cereal boxes…
Me: Whoa whoa, boxes? I’ve a lot of them. Would you like to take away the salt/sugar I’ve stored in ’em?
Roomie: Sure.
Me: I’ve got Surf Excel as well. 
Roomie: Sure.
Me: You can keep the sandwich maker, btw.
Roomie: Sure.
Me: I’ve got some clothes as well.
Roomie: Nah, I’m good.
Me: I’ve got some moisturisers and shampoo bottles.
Roomie: Plural? I’ll take them.
Me: You can use my tray, btw.
Roomie: Sure.
Me: My bed as well.
Roomie: I know.
Me: Yeah, you use that anyway when I’m not around. 
Roomie: *grins*

*after an hour of waking me up from almost sleeping*
Roomie: Hey! You won’t be able to drink or hangout with your friends anymore.
Me: Thanks for bringing that up. Let’s just focus on goods in Chennai, shall we?
Roomie: You won’t be able to talk to your friends on the phone at night either?
Me: Uh huh.
Roomie: You won’t have time to watch movies on your laptop.
Me: Uh huh.
Roomie: You won’t be able to hang up on your mom when she talks about marriage.
Me: Uh huh.
Roomie: You won’t be able to order outside food much even when you’re craving for it.
Me: Uh huh.
Roomie: You won’t be able to reach home early just by walking from work.
Me: Did I do something to you? Go back to sleep!
The more I thought about it, she was actually right. I was so busy in planning on what I’m looking forward to that I almost forgot about what I’m gonna be giving up – My freedom! And it did suck but then silver lining to the rescue. 
*waking her up*
Me: I will be able to cook my own food.
Roomie: Uh huh.
Me: I will be able to have fish every single day.
Roomie: Uh huh.
Me: I will be able to stuff my clothes into the washing machine and not worry about handwashing!
Roomie: Uh huh.
Me: I will be able to watch TV!
Roomie: Uh huh.
Me: I can get broadband connection and download movies in seconds.
Roomie: Uh huh.
Me: I will be saving on rent. 😀
Roomie: *glares at me*
Me: I will be saving in general as well. 😀
Roomie: Alright. I’m real sleepy. 
Me: No more power cuts!
Roomie: Get your tush back to your bed!
More in my next post which will be written soon. *tongues out*

g(ROOM) under construction

We are back with the second part of Hitchy Business. Today, I’m gonna discuss on the process of groom hunting. I started thinking on how painful the entire process of arranged marriage has been painted in the Indian society. Just think of the time when you go to the market in the scorching heat to buy some vegetables. Let’s take tomatoes, shall we? Now, you’ll obviously not pick up any random tomatoes into your basket. What do you check? If they’re firm or soft or hard err let’s just say – you check on the texture. Anyway,  enough of Tomato Talk! Instead of tomatoes, picture well groomed guys and instead of the heat there’s the pressure. No no, I’m not checking out the texture of those guys here. K But you’d certainly wish I was because the criterions that me + my parents + my friends + my environment have put into filtering out the right guys are much more difficult than just plain texture checking. 🙁 
Even if I did rule out criterion, I’d still say finding THE ONE surely is taking it out of me. Honestly, it’s the only time I actually realized the importance of Love marriage. C’mon, finding a person who’s as freaky as you and getting hitched to ‘em? That’s truly a dream come true. And it rules out the interference of your family members into choosing your soul mate (if this exists!). I guess I wasn’t bright enough to see this coming my way.
I struck up with a very worry-some conversation with my roommate (we’ll give her a pseudo name Pinki) who’s also  sailing in a similar boat as I am. The stink of it is the more we discuss about this, the more we realize that we’re entering into the snake pit.
Pinki: I used to worry about spending the rest of the life with a stranger. I never thought finding that stranger would take a lifetime.
Me: That’s painfully funny. So, didja like anybody?
Pinki: Sure. Well, there’s the guy who loves his dogs more than his family. Then, there’s the other guy who shaved off his head. Ofcourse, there’s the third guy who painted his profile with all his certifications.
Me: That bad eh?
Pinki: Well, it gets worse. People should really photograph well. What’s with the glares everywhere? Do they hate making eye contact with the camera?
Me: I’m sort of judging them a bit on their profile description as well.
Pinki: Well, how much can you judge a person by words..
Me: No no, trust me you can.
I came across this profile –
Profile description: WIFE WANTED DESPARATELY. HAVE TO GET MARRIED SOON. ONLY CHILD WITH A BIKE.
Pinki: Sure. The caps is too loud.
Me: Out of all the things, you came up with loud caps as the only problem with that description?!
Pinki: Life is sad, eh. But your parents are surely making it worse for you, girl.
She’s right though. My parents are surely taking an extra mile with this thing. It’s bad enough that I cannot find a decent guy and to garnish it with their silly wants is just making it better. I happened to like some guys and I’m about to discuss them with my mother and this is what happens..
Me: Mom! I think I found a nice guy. He’s working in a similar domain as I am. And he’s smart, good looking..
Mom: Is he a manglik?
Me: Sorry?
Mom: What’s his nakshatra?
Me: You’re talking to me right?
Mom: Did he score with you?
Me: Well, I haven’t really taken my relationship with him to that level, if you know what I mean..
Mom: I meant horoscope scores!
Me: Oh, that..
Mom: Also, check if he has siblings
Me: *silence*
Mom: Also, check if he is really as old as he claims to be.
Me: Well, he has hair on his head, if that counts for something.
Mom: Also, check..
Me: Mom, I’m sure he’ll check himself out with all the checking that you’re asking me to do.
*I hang up*
And that’s how my morning starts every day. I find a guy and my parents reject him. If they find a guy, I reject him. If we mutually like a guy, the Sun, Moon, Earth, Venus and probably even Pluto is waiting to reject him. Imagine losing a good guy because he has a friggin’ Pluto in his 8th house.
If the above sounded all Greek to you, I’m talking about horoscopes which probably belongs to astrology. It’s this board game format with planets scattered across it.
I was talking to a friend the other day regarding this and I shocked him to his very core. I don’t blame him. Poor guy didn’t talk to me for a week!
Friend: Anaa! What’s new with you? You seeing someone?
Me: I’m seeing many, if that makes sense.
Friend: Wow, that happening eh?
Me: Yep, totally! In the afternoons, I talk to them. At nights, I score with them. In the mornings, I turn them down or vice versa.
Friend: Err, them?
Me: I can’t recall how many though..
Friend: Are you high? What are you talking about?
Me: I’m talking about guys.
Friend: Uh huh, sure you are. So you are with these guys like in a group?
Me: Oh no no, I try them one by one.
Friend: Wokay, I have to go. Let’s talk later, shall we?

Well, that came out wrong. Can you blame me though? I’ll be sharing my encounters with a gay guy, with a normal one, with a weirdo and also men from different communities/castes/races in the next post. Adios for now! I’ve got some selection and rejection to face.

Hitchy Business

Well well well, here we are again with my stupid brain trying to do the thinking. I’ve been coaxed by my near and dear ones to write a post since I’m so frequent, if you know what I mean. The tragedy is that I don’t have to think on what to write anymore as my life has been a total drama for the past few months. Let’s share some of that here. Well, it’s that time of my life where I’ve to be wrapped inside a big dusty bag stuffed with some stocked up assets and kicked off to a place where people claim to be the end of freedom living. In case some of you bright minds missed that, I’m talking about marriage. That’s right – the great big Indian arranged psycho marriage phase has dawned upon me err my parents, I meant. I know you all must be tip toeing into asking me the very first question “How’s the groom hunt coming along?”. Brace yourselves! Before you get all excited about that part, I’ve a little bit of a tragedy over here to share with you. Remember the time when life was easier and you thought you could adopt dogs/raccoons or even a hot partner for a change? Well, apparently that’s out of the window and it got a lot more scarier than that. I’ve to adopt a human being for a lifetime. It doesn’t stop there. I’ve been getting dreams related to how disastrous this can get as well. Let me explain my dream now (yeah, I know I remember my dream! Boo you!). Anyways, back to the point. :/
Suddenly everything seems to be pointing towards marriage or everything I do has some connection to it.
I’m sitting at home trying to have homely cooked food.
Mom: Eat well. Try the fish. It’s good for your skin.
Me: Yeah, I know fish is good for the skin! Can I eat now?
Mom: Try licking the curry leaves as well. *pointing at the curry leaves inside the fish curry*
Me: Err, why exactly?
Mom: Oh, you’ll get a handsome boy if you do that.
*thud*
I slide into the next scene where I’m hanging out with my friends at a beach.
Friend: Oye lemme a click a snap. Go pose behind that tree.
Me: Dude, why a tree?
Friend: It’ll give a nice background for your matrimonial pics.
*boom*
I’m in conversation with my father on the phone
Dad: Do you know the three steps of face care?
Me: Err, yeah I guess..*before I start to explain*
Dad: It’s face washing, cleansing and..*interrupting him*
Me: Dad, I cannot believe I’m actually having this conversation with you. I don’t even talk about this with my gal pals for crying out loud.
Dad: Oh c’mon. You’ve to look good for the groom hunt.
*crash*
I’m talking to an old school friend (married)
Me: Girl, we don’t belong to the same boat anymore, do we?
Friend: Umm, why not?
Me: Cuz you’re always talking about..
Friend: Hold on! Lemme go check on the baby. I think he’s spitting up.
Me: Err, yeah. Exactly what I was talking about.
Friend: Alright, back! So what were you talking about?
Me: Nothing. Nevermind.
Friend: So, when are you getting married? You know life’s so different after marriage especially when..
Me: Can we talk about anything else besides babies and husbands and diapers or utensils inside the kitchen, please?
Friend: Jeez, calm down. I mean I do have to do the dishes but..
Me: OMG! Gah.
*digs into the ground to bury and cover self with mud*

Alarm rings as I’m trying to wake up but I don’t think I want to wake up. It’s just one of those wake up calls you get when everything around you is changing. The generation or even the people whom you used to know have suddenly transformed themselves into matrimonial oracles to help you get settled in an organized fashion. Dream’s over but reality hasn’t! Hence, we’ll proceed to the actual groom hunt and its side effects in the next post. 😉

2012: Let’s do a quick review of myself

Mind & Heart – In the words of Ana, we’re binding by the state of total forgetfulness, the following promises/resolutions made at the beginning of this year.

Slimming down.
Subscribing to the gym.
Being regular to the gy…*gets interrupted*

Me – Hey! Can we not fixate on the gym part too much? Now, what do we have next on the list?

Mind – Alright, the next items are:
Cutting down on junk.
Testing the true colours of some close friends.
Adopting a street dog.

Me: What? That’s it?

Heart: No, you also mentioned that you’ll break up with the ones that you don’t gel well with.

Me: Which one?

Heart: No idea. You said ”ones”.

Me: Alright smartass, which ”ones” ?!

Heart: I’m not the memory person here. Ask your mind!

Me: Well?!

Mind: What you looking at me for? I never liked the idea of breaking up in the first place.

Me: Nevermind. So, big deal if I wasn’t regular to the gym or if I’m consuming a little too much of that junk. And those street dogs get really worked up after 1 AM. Now, I need a goodnight’s sleep, you know.

Mind: You sleep at 3 AM everytime.

Heart: Well, she has friends to talk to, you big stone.

Mind: You really want me to start on you, Mr. Stone Heart?

Me: Alright, you two! Stop it. I know I didn’t stick to my resolutions. Maybe, I’m not really a resolution fulfilling kind of a person, you know. Maybe, I’m good at other stuff. Stuff like..

Heart: Breaking hearts, breaking eggs before they boil, not picking up calls, deleting music to stuff in movies which you’ve never seen..

Me: Alright, not those kinda stuff! Stuff like…you know..

Mind: Oh! I know. Teasing people, teasing their accent, their fashion sense, ditching plans, not good at keeping secrets…

Me: Maybe, I should just NOT do the thinking. C’mon, you guys! I’m not that bad. I did make some new friends this year. I also learnt to make new dishes in my PG! I ended up saving some money and buying some cool gifts for my parents. I mean – that’s a fun time eh?

Mind: What about the time when you promised yourself you’ll save up for new years’ and ended up spending that on a really lousy weekend?

Me: Well..you know..Alright, shut up! I may not be good at planning then.

Heart: Planning ‘too’. *grins*

Me: *glares at heart* Yeah, thanks for adding that.

Mind: Anyway, now that the year is on its way to wrap up itself, why don’t you become the softy you used to be and treat your friends and yourself nicely. Pick up calls, workout more and sleep less so that you have more time for yourself.

Heart: I can’t do all that. Do you realize how much time it takes in managing all the veins and the pumping of blood?

Mind: I’m not talking to you, drill hole!

Me: Oh, right. Yeah, I guess I can do that. I’ll try to be a better person. But my resolutions circle too much around me. Are you sure there isn’t any else?

Mind: Well, there’s the pet stuff but you cringed about that idea when you saw a dog taking a big poo..*gets interrupted again*

Me: ..Okay! Let’s shush you now. Hehe. Let’s not give out too much data here, shall we?

Mind: Alright, whatever. The story ended well with you cleaning up stuff and being a nice social worker, but whatever.

Heart: Ana! Just follow your heart. Don’t let your mind rule everytime. If you wanna adopt that dog, I say go for it.

Me: Uh huh. Alright, folks! Thanks a lot for the briefing. So, we’ll meet again in 2013.

Mind: IF it ever sees the light of the day.

Heart: You really think too much.

Me & Mind: We know. 🙂

Feasting like there’s no tomorrow

Before I go ahead, I wanna say that this blog will not be shut down and has re-opened on the account of many requests. Also, the fact that it shows how stupid I am to have abandoned such a memorable site. Now, enough of that trash talk and let’s get down to business, shall we? Let’s ruffle up my life here in Chennai a bit more. Don’t gimme the sympathy looks – I know you all enjoy reading stories on me facing situations where I totally make a fool out of myself.
The cook from our PG has decided to run away because she’s afraid she has to please our appetite a little too much. Well, that’s not really true. The truth is that we’re a hungry set of girls. Hence, the demand for crispy hot dosas never go down unless we’re served biriyani (google it!) for lunch, rotis (google it!) for dinner and more. It’s dosas and idlis for all 3 meals. Sometimes, she used to feel sorry for our taste-buds and cook a very questionable Dal once in a blue moon.
Anyway, so I’m here to say that I actually miss the 5 star chef of our PG because the current situation is worse than I could imagine. My roomie and I keep checking on  food every 5 minutes. Of course, we’ve to keep a check on when the power goes away because that really takes away the fun of fans in our rooms. I decided to have lunch today in my PG thinking that it’s time to give Dominos and semi cooked bread a break. Oh, boy! That was a big mistake. As soon as the food arrives, I see girls taking multiple plates of food (not for themselves but for their roomies). How I wish I had such a doting roomie as well but I’m sure it comes with a price. It’s really a mess when the food arrives because you’ve 2-3 items down on the table and when you’re taking one, your eyes wander on the next one thinking it shouldn’t be over before you go to take it. By the time, I go to take the next item, I suddenly can’t seem to care enough about it because they all look the same. It’s really a bunch of white rice surrounded by a mix n match or orange and red curries. We all know what a challenge that is to pick curries based on their colors. 
I’ve decided to bring tiny portions of food during lunch and stock it for the night as well. Desperate? Not really. Hungry monkey? Right on!