When The Corkscrew Was Never Found

This is how we welcomed the new year – 2018.

I mean my father would have preferred the corkscrew for inaugurating the very questionable brand of wine that he picked up from the supermarket. The kitchen was clean because we decided to do the intimate family evening for new years eve.

Checklist?

Wine – check (we’ll come back to you in a while)

Horrible junk dinner – check

Good movie – check

Mom: So should we order dinner?

Me: Err, we still have to get us some wine.

Dad: I’m on it!

Me: I’ll get the glasses

Mom: I’ll see if that serial is on.

Me & Dad: NO! We are not watching some guy falling off a girl’s bike on new years eve.

Mom: Serve the wine already.

*hearing Dad panic a bit*

Me: What’s going on?

Dad: I didn’t notice. This bottle has a cork.

Me: Oh, that’s okay. I’ll get the corkscrew.

Dad: It should be here somewhere.

*after 30 minutes of aggressive searching*

Me: Where the hell is the corkscrew?! Do you think it’s in the closet?

Dad: Sure. We looked under the kitchen cabinets, in the medical boxes, washrooms, bedroom, under the couch, in the balcony but I am pretty sure I stuffed the cork screw under our clothes.

Me: *sniffs* You know you can be nice when you say that

Dad: Would you stop being dramatic and find the damn screw? I am not spending new years without opening this baby.

Mom: Could’ve finished watching a serial

Me: Mom please. Not now. Can’t we just use a knife?

*suddenly mom jumps off the couch*

Mom: Um, What did you say?!

Me: Mom, relax. It’s not like I said I want to murder someone.  Just trying to think of alternatives

Dad: You both are useless. Let me use chopsticks to shove it into the cork

Me: Sure! Why didn’t I think of that?

Dad: You got a better idea?

Me: Yeah alright.

*Mom holds the bottle, I hold mom’s hands, dad stares at us*

Dad: I am so lucky to have you guys in my life. *absolute sarcasm tone*

Me & Mom: Oh you’re welcome

*manages to jibe into the cork, some bits and pieces being pulled out*

Mom: What is that?

Dad: It’s the cork material

Mom: What if it goes into the wine?

Dad: We drink it anyway. We are drinking the wine even if it has bird poop in it

Mom: Okay, this does not look good.

Me: Can we do this with a knife?

*we cut through half way into the cork and exhaust ourselves*

Dad: If I haven’t said so already, great start to the evening

Mom: Just dip the cork into the bottle

Dad: Wow, look who beamed up

Mom: I am tired of you two. *walks away*

Me: You know she’s right. Right?

Dad: Of course, she’s right. She’s always right! Story of my marriage! Now push that cork in already.

*splash*

*red wine all over our hands*

Dad: Oh good. How efficient!

Me: Hey! I tried!

*wine being poured in the glasses using a strainer because sometimes cork pieces get in the way*

Mom: So, shall we order dinner now?

Me & Dad: 😐

The food arrived. There was barely any flavor but the movie was great. Of course, with dad commenting every 5 minutes did NOT help.

Oh! Before I end this, wishing you all a very HAPPY 2018!  

Note: I have an adorably crazy family and I love them. 

2012: Let’s do a quick review of myself

Mind & Heart – In the words of Ana, we’re binding by the state of total forgetfulness, the following promises/resolutions made at the beginning of this year.

Slimming down.
Subscribing to the gym.
Being regular to the gy…*gets interrupted*

Me – Hey! Can we not fixate on the gym part too much? Now, what do we have next on the list?

Mind – Alright, the next items are:
Cutting down on junk.
Testing the true colours of some close friends.
Adopting a street dog.

Me: What? That’s it?

Heart: No, you also mentioned that you’ll break up with the ones that you don’t gel well with.

Me: Which one?

Heart: No idea. You said ”ones”.

Me: Alright smartass, which ”ones” ?!

Heart: I’m not the memory person here. Ask your mind!

Me: Well?!

Mind: What you looking at me for? I never liked the idea of breaking up in the first place.

Me: Nevermind. So, big deal if I wasn’t regular to the gym or if I’m consuming a little too much of that junk. And those street dogs get really worked up after 1 AM. Now, I need a goodnight’s sleep, you know.

Mind: You sleep at 3 AM everytime.

Heart: Well, she has friends to talk to, you big stone.

Mind: You really want me to start on you, Mr. Stone Heart?

Me: Alright, you two! Stop it. I know I didn’t stick to my resolutions. Maybe, I’m not really a resolution fulfilling kind of a person, you know. Maybe, I’m good at other stuff. Stuff like..

Heart: Breaking hearts, breaking eggs before they boil, not picking up calls, deleting music to stuff in movies which you’ve never seen..

Me: Alright, not those kinda stuff! Stuff like…you know..

Mind: Oh! I know. Teasing people, teasing their accent, their fashion sense, ditching plans, not good at keeping secrets…

Me: Maybe, I should just NOT do the thinking. C’mon, you guys! I’m not that bad. I did make some new friends this year. I also learnt to make new dishes in my PG! I ended up saving some money and buying some cool gifts for my parents. I mean – that’s a fun time eh?

Mind: What about the time when you promised yourself you’ll save up for new years’ and ended up spending that on a really lousy weekend?

Me: Well..you know..Alright, shut up! I may not be good at planning then.

Heart: Planning ‘too’. *grins*

Me: *glares at heart* Yeah, thanks for adding that.

Mind: Anyway, now that the year is on its way to wrap up itself, why don’t you become the softy you used to be and treat your friends and yourself nicely. Pick up calls, workout more and sleep less so that you have more time for yourself.

Heart: I can’t do all that. Do you realize how much time it takes in managing all the veins and the pumping of blood?

Mind: I’m not talking to you, drill hole!

Me: Oh, right. Yeah, I guess I can do that. I’ll try to be a better person. But my resolutions circle too much around me. Are you sure there isn’t any else?

Mind: Well, there’s the pet stuff but you cringed about that idea when you saw a dog taking a big poo..*gets interrupted again*

Me: ..Okay! Let’s shush you now. Hehe. Let’s not give out too much data here, shall we?

Mind: Alright, whatever. The story ended well with you cleaning up stuff and being a nice social worker, but whatever.

Heart: Ana! Just follow your heart. Don’t let your mind rule everytime. If you wanna adopt that dog, I say go for it.

Me: Uh huh. Alright, folks! Thanks a lot for the briefing. So, we’ll meet again in 2013.

Mind: IF it ever sees the light of the day.

Heart: You really think too much.

Me & Mind: We know. 🙂